Sep 14, 2007

Fandom-as-Boyfriend

The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it:
Motherfucking Deadwood, you ignorant cocksuckers. There were so many stories left to be told there.

The old flames you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets:
X-Files (Damn you and your so-called mythology, Chris Carter), Angel, and Dead Like Me

The mysterious dark gothy one whom you used to sit up with talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized he really was batshit crazy:
Veronica Mars. The most dramatic decline of quality in television history...Season 1 Veronica R.I.P., the rest of you can bite me. Speaking of biting...Buffy. Season 7 was unwatchable when compared to the rest.

The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved he doesn't actually live in town:
Twin Peaks. Runner-up: Heroes

The steady:
Battlestar Galactica

The alluring strangers whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with:
Due South, the Stargates

The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't:
West Wing

The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool guy except it's never really gone anywhere:
Friday Night Lights

The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at him and thinking, "him? how the hell did he land all these cool babes?"
Harry Potter. Adults are swallowing this crap - WTF?

The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom she keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for her except you just know it's going to end badly:
Grey's Anatomy. Ally McBeal in a lab coat. Where's my gun?

1 comment:

  1. Great blog.

    I just want to confess that, years ago, I took Due South home and did wild, unspeakable lewd and sweaty things with it all night.

    Now a frequent booty call.

    ReplyDelete