Sep 1, 2009

My thoughts on the new Madonna video. Let me show you them.

"Celebration". I loves me some Madge, people, but prepare for some bashing. To pop & lock at 51 is impressive, sure, but let's do the real math here:

Madonna + Actual Boy Toy + Danceteria rejects + crotch grabs (seriously? this again?) = Madonna 9.0: Electric Boogaloo.

And lo, it hath come to pass: Madonna is repeating herself. Unlike other, um, seasoned personalities (oh hell, we're all older than Sanskrit at this point, just keep sucking your prune juice through that bendy straw and move along) who've never tried to be anything other than who they are, Madonna has constructed an entire career out of constantly reinventing herself with fabulous results. (Shhhhhhh. It's out of the aforementioned love that we choose to forgive & forget "Who's That Girl?") But not this time.

Aside from serving as undeniable motivation to dust off the ThighMaster that's currently wrangling dust bunnies under your guest bed and actually, you know, USE IT -- this is a lame, oddly derivative video. Yes, I just called Madonna lame. I will now sit quietly and wait for the Disco Ball of Dancefloor Justice to strike me dead. (Speaking of sparkles, Holy Shoulder Pads, Batman! That dress is quite possibly the worst thing she's ever tried to pull off, aside from Dennis Rodman.)

All of that being said...I love the song and seriously regret tainting it with the visual.

P.S. Dear Santa, if I'm very, very good this year and maybe lay off the gummi bears, can I have thighs like that?

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